Some people are sad because they think they are a burden to others.
Some people are so alone that they would love to be a burden to others.
To be a burden means that someone cares enough to not let you behind.
Am I a burden? should I be left behind? should I be buried alive?
If i'm not useful anymore, why am I still living?
Maybe i'm not even a burden and i'm just so pretentious to think that someone cares enough for me.
Years ago I thought I was smart and open minded. But now I am just a jerk. Another middle class dumb fuck. What potential still lies within me?
Should I end it all?
How I envy those without a troubled mind.
Now I see why L was so mad at me years ago.
Who would want to spend time with a depressive idiot. A useless, gloom idiot with zero creativity and no talent.
So many regretful things.
The memories that still haunt me.
I wish I could start over again.

He noticed one day how the thought of shooting his brains out was born. The thought ordered his ideas for a split second. For a brief moment everything was ok, because he was dead. No worries. No misunderstandings. Loneliness was all nonsense now. Then he woke up and continued eating.

Hasta para deprimirse se necesita dinero. Tanta gente que se suicida y tanta otra gente que finge preocuparse. Algunos quizá nacimos sin futuro.

A... was a man who tried everyday to override his survival instinct, in order to successfully kill himself without pain nor sadness. He tried acting rational, he tried to forged his attachments, he even thought about alcohol or drugs. None of that mattered anyway, because he was a coward. 

I'm dead

Este año he tenido pensamientos suicidas a diario. Espero que no sea un presagio sobre los meses que vienen. 

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¿Qué tan saludable será que últimamente todos los días piense en darme un balazo?